When the Rains Fall

Practice What You Preach

2008-12-08T21:14:24Z

Anybody who knows me well will tell you I hate hypocrisy. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and practices, and I support that. Perhaps not some of the practices themselves, but the right to do whatever you believe is right. Taking the into account, while I do not myself understand or support PETA and vegetarianism/veganism, I've always kept rather quiet. They, like the rest of us, are entitled to believe what they will and take action accordingly. However, anybody who knows me well will also tell you that I believe in educating yourself ABOUT what you believe. If you want to believe and do something, do it, but make sure you have good reason for doing so.

With that said, I have to say I am greatly disappointed and saddened. While I won't urge you to rethink your choices, I think everyone should take a look at this: petakillsanimals.com.

What you do with the info there is up to you.

Scribble

2008-11-25T16:03:52Z

I'm trying to keep from losing my mind. Really I am. My professional life needs CPR. Badly.
In a vague attempt to keep from losing it, I'm still writing, some in my Aurelia book, some for a website called StoryMash. You should check it out, and look for stuff that's by Annalia (that's-a me, Mario!). StoryMash.com.

I need this Thanksgiving weekend, really I do...

Blowing Things Up Is Fun

2008-11-21T20:35:56Z

Of course, as usual, it's been a crazy-hectic week. I've been balancing working at Merial, finishing up my contract for as many as hours as I can get while taking long lunches and stuff to go do interviews for my (hopeful) next job. Stupid bills, if only they'd learn to pay themselves. So far, though, everything looks alright. At least I haven't died yet. Or worse, gone bankrupt.

James and I shrugged and laughed and decided to go see an opening show of Twilight last night, though neither one of us has read any of the books. I'm still not entirely sure if I want to or not. I suppose I'll read the first one and see how it is, how it compares to the movie, and go from there. Not that the movie was horrible, but there were several VERRRRRRY cheesy parts, several parts the camera handling was reminiscent of an indie film, and half the soundtrack had that grainy VHS quality to it. Overall, I'd give it a B-. Kinda wish I hadn't spent money to go see it, especially thanks to the many twittering teeny-boppers everywhere, but eh. At least I got to shoot things on Area 51 and Time Crisis 3 with Herr Carneal. :) Sooooooo many quarters...

Also, I spent an hour and a half in Borders, resisting the urge to buy entirely too many books. Made me anxious for Christmas, when I know I'll get something I can use to buy me some more happy reading material. Sci-fi, fantasy, cookbooks, anime, and manga, here I come. In the spirit of that, I provide you here my Wishlist, courtesy of Barnes and Noble. Maybe I'll post the Borders one too, if it ever starts working again. Same list, but I know some people prefer one store over the other. Not that I'm trying to say you need to buy me these (though I'll thank you endlessly if you do). It's more just to prove how much I love reading, give my family an idea of what I'd like for the holidays, and also give you, fellow readers, my personal recommendations should you decide to spend an afternoon with a cup of cocoa (or personal beverage of choice) and a good book. Bon appetit!

http://my.barnesandnoble.com/Samantha-Slamas-WishList/cm/414515/

Karma? Riiiiiiight.

2008-11-13T22:41:24Z

Anyone who knows me well, knows I'm a firm believer in karma. So what on earth explains last week?

Monday-Sick. I had a migraine that makes it hard even to just wander to the bathroom, and a stomach ache that makes wandering further than that pointless.

Tuesday-Right after I voted, got rear-ended. Forgetting that not everyone has commen decency, I pulled out of the middle of the road, since it was just a fender bender. And watched the dickhead go the other direction. Yay for hit-and-run. NOT.

Thursday-Double whammy. The bank, for the second time this year, decides to process my rent check before my paycheck. Rent bounces. Granted, management's being understanding, but still. Grrr... Plus, I get the news that my contract position here at work is not being extended. I work here until the day before Thanksgiving, and then let's hope I've found something else by then, before I spend Thanksgiving sobbing my eyes out.

Saturday-Overcompensate turning while I'm backing out of a parking lot and, get this, not only hit the car next to me, but find out that said car belongs to the store's owner. Great. What a way to end the week. She's being nice about the whole thing, but it's still annoying.

How does this much crap happen to me inside of one week? How? What did I do for this to come back to me like this? Gah.

On the up-side of things, this week seems to be marginally better. Or at least nothing too horrible has happened. Yet.
*runs around to find a piece of wood to knock on*

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

2008-11-05T22:13:25Z

Shibbery!

2008-11-05T21:47:18Z

My idea of a perfect way to spend the morning:

Who's In Charge Here?

2008-11-05T14:08:40Z

I will update later with personal updates, but I'd just like to express my delight and relief in not having to move to another country. Congratulations Obama! Now, make your country proud!

Spooooooky

2008-10-27T22:38:29Z

It's almost Hallowe'en!It's almost Hallowe'en!It's almost Hallowe'en!It's almost Hallowe'en!It's almost Hallowe'en!It's almost Hallowe'en!It's almost Hallowe'en!
Can you tell I'm excited?

Stupid thing is, with the economy the way it is and the fact that I have too many bills (my own stupidity, I know), I don't have the money to buy the costume I want until I get a certain upcoming paycheck from work. Once I get that, I should be in the clear and be able to breath again. But until then... :'( Is it sad that one of the things I want to do first and foremost once that happens is take James out for some nice sushi? Mmm...suuuusshiiiiiiii......

Went to a Hallowe'en party this weekend and discovered the level at which I'm not flat-out drunk but just enough that if I close my eyes, the world spins and I feel sick. So I could even fall asleep like I wanted to. Instead, I took a hot shower and then sat out on my porch in nothing but a bathrobe for 15 minutes. And was I cold? Nope. Ahhh, the power of alcohol.

I made the joke to James yesterday morning that he just likes me because I'll sleep with him first thing in the morning, and then turn right around and make him breakfast. He said no, it's because I do that and also will sit and read all afternoon and watch anime with him. I couldn't help but swoon. The fact that I not only go out with him to the clubs and stuff but am also interested in other things outside of that that he is as well makes spending time with each other incrediby enjoyable. Thing is, I kinda giggled and blushed at the time and that was it. Now that I'm thinking about it, it's why I like him so much too. He's incredibly sexy, but he's also one of the few people I know that will do -all- of those things with me. Yeah, sure, there's guys that'll go out to the clubs, or play games, or watch anime, or go rock-climbing, but no one since Chris has done each and every one with me. Makes my life bearable right now, despite everything else.

Eeps. Ops. Orps. Aw damn.

2008-10-15T22:20:08Z

It's Octoberrrrrrrr! Yay! I've been enjoying the cooling weather, reading outside, and wondering why the sky is blue. Okay, so maybe not one of those. You figure out which.

I spent a couple of weekends looking at houses and did some researching into buying one and renting a room in one with other people and just generally trying to find a way out of Doraville and over to Snellville. It's quieter, closer to Mon Ami (guess who that is! do it! do it noooowww!), about the same distance from work anyway, and has lots more to do around it. Plus, if I do things right, it'll be lots much cheaper. (Don't correct my grammar there. I'm not in a mood to handle that right now. Rawr.) However, due to the wonderful world of apartment rental, I have to wait 'til May to move over there. Ah well. Time will hopefully pass very quickly.

This is also, evidently, National Vet Tech week. So happy Vet Tech week to all you techs out there! Here at Merial, it also translates to National Make the Vet Techs Fat week. We're getting free food every day, along with some other goodies. And while I can't complain about any of that, my stomach is once again full and on the brink of inducing me into a sugar coma. Hallelujah!!! :)

Last weekend I discovered the joys of Buford Highway Farmer's Market. It is a food-lover's paradise, if you can refrain from getting lost in the massive place and put up with the slightly dirty floors and language barriers. Oh, how I love mah food.

Perching Kills Your Knees!

2008-09-30T15:18:58Z

After many years of my first rather unpleasant experience, I got a chance to get back into LARPing. I admit I am a nerd, and revel in that fact. So when Mister Carneal suggested we go down to Monroe and participate in Rendezvous, a weekend-long LARPing event, I jumped at the chance.
Granted, I was nervous, because it was a new place, and a new game with new rules and new people, but I was definitely excited. The other two LARPs I joined in IL had a decent game system, but the people in the groups were rude, unhelpful, and just plain jerks. I quit after only a couple weeks of playing. It wasn't fun and I didn't make friends even after several events.
But this time, I had the time of my life. The people were wonderful, very nice, helpful with any questions I had, and very understanding of my basically being a complete newb at the world of LARPing. With Carneal's help and their quick overview of everything involved in the game, I created a little character, a cat mongrel thief named Annalia (who's surprised at that, eh? heh).
While I'm still working on her background story, I've come up with the simple facts. She was orphaned at a young age, coming home to witness her family being slain. Having lived for a couple years out on the streets after that, she has developed a definite distaste and distrust of people, whether they're human or otherwise. She's also learned to fight a little with a dagger and other such small theiving tools, as well as defend herself with such. Still in her kitten years, she does have the "ADD/shiny!!!-complex" and is greatly amused by bugs, pretty lights, and the like, but is frightened by most things. As far as directly fighting monsters is concerned, she's content to watch and leap out of the way, letting others do the killing for her. Also, obviously, she's very much cat and not a whole lot human. She is capable of speech and walking upright, and things like that, but prefers more feline habits.
Due to this, I spent much of the weekend on all fours, perching, crawling all over things, climbing up trees, and jumping around. My knees and abs hurt so bad yesterday, it was ridiculous. Even my tailbone for some reason was sore. Ya know what though? Totally worth it. :)

In other news, I have a favor to ask. Remember Rhys, the stray I took in last week? I've been trying to help him out and get him a little healthier before I return him outside, and he's been doing fairly well. With the help of Frontline, we got the fleas under control, and with a daily meal, he's gained a little weight (though, mind, only a little). I'm not sure if he's just really old or what, but I got the added surprise of this morning waking up to puddles of diarrhea and bile. Now, I'd like to find him a forever-home anyway, but if anyone knows of any clinics around my area that offer free assistance for strays or people that would take him in and get him the care he needs, I'd be greatly appreciative. Or, if anyone could donate some money for me to take him somewhere and get him some help myself, that'd work too. Anything you guys can do, really. Like I said, I'd like to find him somewhere permanent to live regardless, since I really can't afford more than 2 cats, but I'm too much of a softie to abandon him until then. Help a kitty, please?

NOIIIIIIIISE!

2008-09-26T15:11:06Z

I'm going to look at the details outlined in my lease. I'm going nuts and I'm going to talk to the manager of the apartments too. I'm thinking about trying to get out of my lease early and move somewhere else (we'll see what happens with the job thing to influence where), based on noise disturbance issues. Supposedly, my complex has night security, but I have yet to see it despite several instances and rules that are supposed to be in place.

Example 1: A couple weeks ago (Mom knows about this), some yahoo decided that it would be a swell idea to blare his car radio so that everyone could hear it. With the car doors all open. At 5:50am on a Monday morning. This went on for 20 minutes before he closed the doors.

Example 2: This has happened off and on throughout the summer but has picked up in frequency in the past 2 weeks. Several taxi companies AND residents feel that instead of calling my fellow residents to let them know they've arrived, or going up and knocking on the door, it's perfectly appropriate to honk their horns for 15 minutes until the person comes down. At 5 in the evening, I can understand this. At 8am, I can understand this. But when it's constantly happening at 3 and 4 in the morning on the weekdays, like it has been, this is just ridiculous.

Example 3: Two African American guys were yelling at each other for about a half hour out in my parking lot two nights ago, from 12:30a-1a. I could see at least one had an open bottle of alcohol. I got annoyed after the first fifteen minutes that I actually called Doraville Police Station, but the girl there informed me since I don't technically live in Doraville, I had to dial the Dekalb County Precinct. By the time I found their number, the guys finally decided to go inside. Never once did I see our security drive by or anything.

Example 4:I plan on calling my office today and clarifying what happened, because I'm completely lost exactly what went on, but ALSO two nights ago from about 3:30a-4:15, it seemed like some SUV was stuck in our entrance ramp and kept spinning its wheels every 3 minutes. I couldn't see that well, because of the trees, but I could see white smoke coming out behind the vehicle. This morning, as I left for work, I saw two parts of that entrance gating were broken and lying akimbo as if someone had pulled them out or something. If this was an emergency, I could understand, but I never saw any lights to indicate emergency services, so this only made me further annoyed and awake when I should have been sleeping. Two rude awakenings in one night! I'm tired now!

These things have woken me up and caused me to lose a decent amount of sleep. I can only imagine it's been doing to same to others. Yet, as far as I know, our complex security and/or management have done nothing to stop it. I hate feeling like the Scotts and demanding that our noise laws be enforced, but I feel like this is getting out of hand. Once in a while is okay. It wasn't that bad during the summer. Now, it's happening too often and making me upset.

Am I overreacting and just need to buy fluffier pillows to throw over my head? :p I think not.

Taste the Rainbow...in my Hair!

2008-09-23T20:00:20Z

Step One of Operation:Red.....halfway successful? Yeah, sure, we'll call it successful. All red dye has been removed from my head and the black has been lightened. Unfortunately, I now have 15 colors of hair instead of 3... >.<

Step Two of Operation:Red to commence in...a week? Two weeks? Whenever I think my hair can handle another round of lightening, in order to remove the black and make my whole head ready for the red dye, without falling off and creeping away like . Hopefully Operation: Red can be declared a complete success by Hallowe'en.

Blessed Be!

2008-09-22T21:34:17Z

Festive Mabon, everyone!

Ahhhhhhh, how I love Fall! :) The smells, the slight crisp chill in the breeze. Even here in Georgia, it's the best time of the year. Now if only I weren't stuck inside at a computer. Rawr.

I Are Not Happeee

2008-09-17T18:53:39Z

So thanks to several things, among them being in a bit of pain, the dreary weather, and Monsieur Carneal's prolonged absence, I'm in a general blah mood today. Normally the dreary weather doesn't bother me, and in fact I look forward to days like this, but today it's just adding to the ickiness of everything else. I'd go out and find someone to hang out with, but I'm still broke, and that makes driving and going places rather difficult.

We still haven't heard back from my boss on who got offered the permanent position, so I've been applying to clinics around the area. I needs job and I needs pay that's good for job. Stupid bloody bills, why do they hate me so?

The stray I took in seems to be doing a little better. Talking to a certain someone in Minnesota, it seems maybe he's got herpes? That third eyelid is staying up, but he seems pretty healthy otherwise. I moved him out of the bathroom yesterday, since it's just too small for a full grown cat, all associated accoutrements, and myself in it all at one time, even for a simple shower. So now his stuff is in my bedroom and it smells a little bit like catpee in there. Granted, that's probably due to the litterbox's presence (which is soooo getting a thorough cleaning tonight), but meh. He cuddled me all through the night last night, even through my tossing and turning. I've decided to name him Rhys, after a character in Laurell K. Hamilton's Merry Gentry series. Read it. It's awesome, and if you see this cat, you'll understand.

I've also been sleeping not very well for the past couple of weeks. I have nightmares every friggidy night, and it's really start to get on my nerves. Someone get me a dreamcatcher or, if you're a dream dampener-type, come sleep with me. I'm warm and I snuggle well. Well...when I'm not having nightmares, I guess.

Meow Mrph Murr.

2008-09-15T18:59:51Z

Shhhh. Don't tell my mum. I have another cat. :D I'm fairly sure he's at least part ragdoll, which I've wanted for such a long time. :) I don't yet know if I'm going to make him a permanent indoor addiction...erm...addition, or get him fixed up and just let him roam. He seems to be around 6-8 years old (though I could be off), intact, and has swollen third eyelids, a scratch over one ear, malnutrition, and a horrid flea infestation. Of course, being who I am, I'm at least going to get him healthy again and neutered (Please! Listen to Bob Barker! Spay or neuter your present aminals and adopt the new ones from a shelter! So many "mutt" cats and dogs are better family pets than purebreds, health- and temperament-wise). So yeah, couple weeks indoors, couple of vaccines, and a ball-snipping, and I'll see where I go from there.

Also added some pages to my book, so that's still going well. Today's been a bit busy at work, and now I'm going to put in some overtime hours, and do some kitty-care when I get home, so I don't think there'll be much added on today, but it's always a possibility, right?

People seem to be panicking about gas these past few days and it's ridiculous. I gave in and joined a little bit, only because I didn't have enough gas to get home tonight. Between driving in this morning and getting some in my tank at lunch, it went up 20 cents. And evidently, in between my filling up and my cubemate's going to the same station to put gas in her tank too, they completely ran out. Which, I hear, is happening all over the place. C'mon. This is not the Apocalypse, guys. Chill. And share the damn gas already.

Flying Pens Abound!

2008-09-11T15:09:35Z

I've been a good girl lately and have been getting some writing done on one of those bajillion books I'm always talking about. In the past two days, though, I've managed to write 12 pages (hey! it's all handwritten! and done between calls at work! so nyah!). So at this rate, assuming I can keep it up, I'll have an approximately 300 page book in two months' time. It's almost like I could actually do that NaNoMiWriMoHaHa thingie. (If you know what I'm talking about, bonus points for you! If you don't...well, no bonus points. Boo hoo.) Point is, I'm shooting for actually keeping that pace going, or at least something like it so that I can get published by this time next year. Or sooner. 'Cause, hey! Wouldn't that be awesome? :)

I've had people screaming at me already today, but I also got money first thing in the morning. I don't know what to expect from the rest of the day now.

No! Just NO!

2008-09-08T21:57:19Z

Some yahoo thought it'd be a good idea to blare his car stereo this morning and keep his car doors open whilst doing so, for the benefit of my entire apartment building. AT 5:50AM!!!!!!!!!! Now, I've seen him do this before, around 11pm, and it's annoying enough then. But this morning was just enough. ENOUGH, I say! So I called my apartment manager this morning and complained. They said they'd send apartment security around in the future to try to keep it from happening again, but I say this now.... If it happens again, I'm calling the cops. No one interrupts my sleep like that. No one. And especially no one who is that stupid and inconsiderate. Rawr.

Let Me Repeat Myself:

2008-09-04T20:01:49Z

Sometimes, I love my job. Sometimes, I hate it. And sometimes it just makes me worry for the fate of humanity.
As many of you know, I work at a call center for a certain product for cats and dogs. Some of the calls we get are just ridiculous...

"Thank you for calling. This is Me. Can I get your name, state, and zipcode?"
"Well, I don't want to. I don't you to send anything to me."

Yes, ma'am. Because by your first name, state and zipcode alone, I will track you down and stuff your mailbox with evil and doom. Bwaha ha ha.

"Thank you for calling...(insert my whole intro spiel here). How can I help you today?
"Well, umm...see..."
I can already tell this is going to be an interesting call. I wait patiently for her to actually speak more than a couple words of the English language.
"I...umm...well, I don't remember when I got this...and....see...well, I can't find an expiration date. I'm going to give you the expiration date...and I want you to tell me when it expires."
And I want you to spontaneously combust, I think. But I keep the chipper tone in my voice despite her refusal to comply with my mental wishes.
"Ma'am, I can take down the lot number for you, but I cannot look up any information about it. I can tell you that with the expiration date, though, that as long as it's kept sealed, it doesn't expire."
"Oh...hrmm...well...I still want you to look it up for me and tell me."
"Unfortunately, ma'am, I cannot do that. I can record the lot number for you, but it won't give me any information about that number."
"Well..umm...hrmmm... who can?!"
Oh man. I can hear her starting to boil over the line. As in so many cases, I want desperately to retort with some sophisticatedly immature smartass remark. Too bad I'd get fired...
"No one, ma'am. Our system simply doesn't allow us to look up any information about lot numbers. I can record it in the system for you, but it won't give me information about that lot back."
"Oh. Well...hrmm...fine. Well.....fine."
And she hangs up, spewing hexes at me as the ringer goes down.

And yet this isn't the worst. I adored the woman who spent 20 minutes trying to convince myself ~and~ my manager that everything expires, everything has to expire, and this had to have an expiration date, which we would -by jeebus- find for her this instant!

I have this compelling desire to tell all these people that if they really need an expiration date that bad, get a sharpie and write their next birthday date on the box. What a gift that would be, neh?

Your Consumer Service Overlords...

2008-07-24T18:51:12Z

I recently wrote this letter to Chevrolet, after visiting my dealership for some simple help with replacing a headlight.

"Sir Or Madam:

I just visited your dealership in Duluth, GA on Satellite Blvd. and would like to share with you how displeased I am with the customer service I received there. After trying to do so myself, I went in to ask if someone could show me how to replace a broken headlight. The serviceman there, Frank, told me that they could not, as they “are in the business of making money” and would lose money if he did that. Though I let him replace it (for a grand total of $6.64), I would like you to be aware I will not be returning there for any further services.

While I understand the concept of “in the business of making money,” I find it amusing that when I then headed inside to inquire about a battery replacement for my lock remote, the serviceman there told me that, as he was out of stock for my particular battery, I could head down the road to a Batteries Plus and get one there. Had the man who helped with my headlight given me such a similar experience, I would have asked if he could change my oil as well. As it is, I will be heading elsewhere for any such future services. So, I hope he’s glad that his business made a whopping $6 for the company and is aware that he lost my future money-making needs for oil changes, routine checkups, and any other parts-related services.

I realize I may be only one person who, even with these services tallied together over the long run, may not have made much of a difference to their establishment and much less you, but this is not the level of customer service one would expect from such a large company. I work in customer service myself and understand there are certain policies in place that can cause a consumer to get less than what they would like. However, for something so small as a $6 replacement, I believe this incident was absolutely ridiculous. Again, I may be only one person, but repeated service like this is bound to convince others like myself to look elsewhere for their needs."

As I stated in the letter, I know I'm only one person and won't make much of a difference. Still, it is this type of action we as the public should demand from all sorts of companies. The coporate world needs to hear our comments, else how can we hope to improve our world, our country, our cities? Don't be afraid to voice your opinions to anyone (assuming they're well-founded opinions, mind you), because your voice will join others and be heard.

Lift the Block!

2008-07-15T17:10:05Z

Okay, so obviously from my earlier posts, I've been getting into my creative groove a bit again. So here's something else I scribbled down at work. It needs work, but it's on a piece of paper that I'd like to throw away, but don't want to completely didpose of the poem itself. Criticism welcome, but believe me, I already know I'm going to change it later. At the time, I had been extremely bored and was playing with rhyming.

Through the window of your nightmares
Flew the dust of your disease
Now you must endure the stares
Though no one will hear your pleas
For clemency, for sympathy
Against reality
Looking through your unknown dreams
Perched yourself precarious
Against the rise of this regime
Living your own life vicarious
Avoiding enemies to us
Our problems serious
Wake up the world, my dear
Wake up,
Face your fear
Wake up,
Try to live, my dear

Also, a question to all you out there. I belong to a message board, where we are now talking about music, trying to suggest to one of the members some new bands for her to listen to. As a result, I've been firmly introduced to the concept of a music elitist. What is the whole point of being someone like this? Why do you have to be so closed-mind that you have to stick to one specific genre and look down on anything that isn't exactly within that genre? I understand the uber-eco-friendly people, the vegetarians, the vegans, and, sometimes, even PETA. But I simply don't understand this. Those people serve a purpose, sticking their noses up at practices because they believe it's for the greater good. What 'greater good' is there by insulting a band and it's fans because they don't do "your" type of music?

Lights at the End of the Tunnel

2008-07-15T15:00:07Z

Another post to that writing community...I'm having fun! :)

The world swirled before her eyes, a multicolor kaleidoscope shared with no one else. She felt dizzy and nauseous. Devoting all of her will power to stay conscious, she somehow managed not to collapse in on herself. No hand reached out to steady her, no voice whispered in her ear that there was nothing to worry about. Resisting the urge to flail her arms about she grasped something firm, not knowing if it would provide her relief or not. Her heart pounded within her, and her stomach lurched as she began to panic. A rushing sound began to fill her ears in lieu of a savior's voice.

The world began to lose its color, seeping out of focus into the form of a black and white still picture. No amount of trying could move any of her parts now, despite the screaming orders she gave from within her mind. A weight held her down, though she couldn't see anything. Her throat felt constricted. The panic rose. Her body had gone on auto-pilot, hands giving one last squeeze to whatever she'd grabbed in misguided faith, then going limp as the weakness took hold. She smiled faintly as she realized none of her attempts at freedom had ever had any hope of working.

Then, just before the end, before the black and white faded to simple black, he let go.

The colors flew back, as if carried by invisible angels across her vision. The panic loosened its grip around her heart, and the insane battlemarch her blood had started resumed a more normal pace. Tingling invaded the places of her body that so shortly before had begun to feel numb.

She smiled at the return of life. Blinking beneath her eyelashes, she caught his gaze and smiled wider. A wave of lightness spread across her body and mind, and she shivered at the welcome feeling. Euphoria settled in. She trailed a hand down his arm where she'd gripped so fiercely just moments before. He returned the gesture, brushing fingers down the center line of her nude body, as if guiding her essence elsewhere. Her collar jingled as she shivered again, his fingers finding the new destination for her racing heartbeat.

"That was fun."

Like A Flood.

2008-07-15T13:22:42Z

Just something I wrote for a community I joined yesterday. Maybe doing this for a bit will help with my writer's block. :)

Her life has begun to feel like a flood, over-running its boundaries, washing away the growth of so many years with no reason, no care for anything in its way. She feels wishy-washy sometimes, turbulent at others. Day after day, she watches as the world carries her with it, tumbling her about like so much debris, carrying her further and further from her origin. All because of him. All because he'd waltzed in to her bar one day, ordered himself a Jack and coke, and shot her a soft smile when she set the drink in front him.

Unlike so many guys, he hadn't chosen to make a crude comment about her bustline or tried to take her to dinner that night. He'd simply said "Thanks," and smiled. At the time, she'd just smiled back and gone on about her business. The night was starting to get busy and she had many other customers to help. When they were closing down, though, she found that smile had stuck with her. And it warmed her heart, made her feel protected as she walked home that night.

He returned 3 nights later, ordered the same thing, and smiled the same comforting smile. He'd asked her name that time, thanked her with her name, and smiled again. She smiled back, lingered only a moment, and went back to work. That night, as she walked home, a large man walked up to her and started to point something shiny and close to his waist at her. Then, just as he opened his mouth to say something, a large car pulled around the corner, it's headlights illuminating the spot where she and the stranger stood. Instead of peeling away, it slowed as it approached, as though the driver were investigating the encounter. The stranger shoved whatever he'd held in his pocket and continued on his way. She knew it was so unlikely that the driver had been the man with the comforting smile, but couldn't help but wonder at it in that small, childlike corner in her brain, that portion that still wanted to believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

He was there again the next night, smile at the ready. He continued to come to the bar for his Jack and coke every few nights, appearing at least twice a week. His smiles improved even the worst of nights, and he always seemed to be right there when a patron would turn belligerent, there even before the bouncers, encouraging the drunk that perhaps it was time to take a cab home. He told her his name, and though they never had a full conversation, whenever he walked into the bar, she knew that nothing bad could happen that night. She felt watched-over, as though some power from above had sent this man to keep her from harm. She dreamt about him once in a while, her always the damsel in distress, and he the hero, the knight in shining armour, the saviour of her virtue. She began to take in life like an intoxication, delighting in even the barking dog down the hall, knowing that this was simply a result of life, that blessing higher than any other.

Tonight, she'd decided to ask -him- for a date. Romance aside, she hoped to at least talk to him, to find where he was from, what he liked to do aside from sip his Jack and coke.

Tonight, he hadn't shown up. She'd asked another of the barmaids if they'd seen him earlier. They told her the bad news.

Tonight, he'd hung himself.

Tonight, he'd left a note that the cops couldn't make sense of, but that struck her to the core.

"My apologies to the angel with the beautiful smile."

The Unreality of Being Human

2008-07-09T22:06:36Z

Honestly, I'm really not feeling very happy and chipper right now, and furthermore, I don't know why I'm feeling this way. I just started feeling really pissy and like I was going to cry and/or scream. There's only two hours of work left, so hopefully it'll pass quickly and I can go home and relax. I can only hope. Stressing out is doing horrible things to me. I just really need it to be this weekend so I can go enjoy SkinTwo and spending time with James.

I was reading Dan Simmon's Olympos over my break and thought of something. Two of the characters were talking about what exactly does it mean to be human, what does it take to be a man? A third character muttered something about consistency, which got me thinking. Personally, I think it's the opposite. The meaning of being human is inconsistency. Change. Development from stage to stage and the downfall of efforts. The inability to be stable at any given point. Our clothes constantly change from decade to decade. Hell, even from year to year any more. Our thoughts, even when we ramble, build upon each other, form themselves into new ideas and change as we encounter new concepts.

I'll blather on later. I'm too pissed off right now to continue.

Beautiful Pain

2008-06-30T16:28:03Z

After much thought, I have come to the conclusion I simply am not ready for a serious relationship right now. Granted, this may change in the months to come or some span of time, yada yada yada. But I have decided that I really do need to just enjoy myself for a while. Be the flirty sub that I am. Show off what a fun and spunky individual I am. That sort of thing.
And maybe in the process, get a few important things done. I still need to finish at least one of my books. And, though I'm not a very politically inclined, this year it seems rather important to me to do what I can as far as the Presidential race goes. McCain seems like he's just the reincarnation of Bush, which I'm sure many of us can agree is the absolute LAST thing we need. And this whole Obama-Clinton "togetherness" is just silly, a PR bit to try and get the ignorant and uneducated to vote for people that can't make up their minds and have no stable stand on the most important issues our nation faces. Therefore, I'm going for Nader. I'm not saying you should vote for him too, but I do make one request: Do your homework this year. Educate yourselves on your choice; don't make it blindly. Your children may thank you, your neighbors may thank you, but most importantly, YOU will thank you.

I'm Your Best Nightmare

2008-06-25T15:34:48Z

Gonna go see London After Midnight tonight with James and Josh. SO excited. :) Not entirely sure if it's getting to see LAM or getting to hang out with the guys again, but either way, I know it's gonna be fun. And it damn well better be. Josh leaves to go back to NC tomorrow. All complications aside, I'm going to miss that boy. He's not entirely sure when his next leave will be, so... :'( Hopefully tonight will be a night to remember until he comes back to us.

I've felt absolutely despaired the past few days, despite everything. Money issues suck, and heart issues suck more. As Josh told me last night, and as I'm well aware even without that, life is never stable, never the same from one day to the next. There's always complications, events that change your life, and that's what makes the world continue. But goddess have mercy on my pitiful soul. Once I make up my mind on one thing, another comes up.

I'm tired.

I need to get writing and get published. Anyone want to loan me $5000-$10000 so I can take a few months off and finish at least one of my books?